Who am I?

I've been asking myself this question a lot lately.
With only 7 weeks to go before I fly to Africa, I am looking at my current life, the life I can not and will not return to, more and more "from a distance". 
So what do I expect? What will I be doing upon my return from Africa? Where and how will I live?
It all basically boils down to the question: "Who am I?"

Most people will think, that's easy. You're a 63 year old guy who has done well in life and you're an IT consultant / project manager with a nice life in Germany.
But I've noticed that there is a difference between what people see and think you are, what you see every morning in the mirror, and what you feel. I know what I am. I know what job I currently have, and that I'm doing it well. I know I'm trying to promote wildlife conservation and I even know my job pays for the costs of that attempt. 
And still, it somehow feels that all of that is not really me. Not really who and what I want to be and not really who and what I am supposed to be. It's really hard to explain, but it is a kind of restlessness inside that roars up whenever I am going "the wrong way", but doesn't show me the "right" way or any alternative.
Am I a biker? No, not really. Although I ride a bike and although I often long for the freedom some biker gangs apparently live. The romantic idea of riding to wherever the sun shines, picking up small jobs for gas and a meal and just enjoying life on the road appeals to me. But I don't think I can live with the hardship of constantly being in the saddle.
A rover then? Gives you the comfort of a car with a roof over you head whenever the weather gets bad. Probably gets closer. But I'm not sure I want to constantly be on the road without direction and without goal. It's a bit like riding and like when I used to work with boats a lot. I never liked going out and just drive around for the sake of it, without really going anywhere or having some sort of purpose for the ride. Making a detour on the bike when going for fresh bread in the morning, yes. Taking the boat to a restaurant two, or better three marinas down the shore, anytime. But just riding or floating around without purpose? No, thanks.
So no biker, no rover. But the freedom of these people draws me like a horse. Getting to know other countries, other cultures, other people and landscapes. Slowing down my life and enjoying the moments as they come. Not worrying about income or the obligations of so called modern civilised life, because something will always come along to keep going. Trusting in myself, my capabilities and the ways of the universe.
Sounds good, but also very scary.
My dear friend Manuela Tulle (I only know her from several emails and her book, but many of her words have hit me so hard emotionally, that I really see her as a very dear friend) has been through this experience many years ago and probably describes it a lot better than I ever can. She says that my cells know exactly who and what I am. Have known it ever since my birth. She says that it's the same for every person in the world. Every cell in their bodies "knows" what, or who, that person really is and should become. Some people automatically go that path from birth and live happy, fulfilled lives. Some never go that path, suppress or do not react to the signals their bodies are giving them. And some people, like me, hear the calling at a later age and know they have to follow but are scared to do so because it is a big step to leave behind what you are now and trust your most inner senses to become what you should be.
I know it scares me.
But I hope that to those of you, who feel this same inner restlessness, I can show with my journey that all will turn out well when you take the jump.
​I hope I can take some of your fears by showing you mine.