So I'm going to Africa for two months, to be trained as a field guide. That's two months in camps in the wilderness. Two months without the comfort of a nice warm bedroom, clean toilets, luxury shower. No phone, no internet. And apparently often no electricity.
Why would anyone in his right mind do something like that? Especially when he can afford to stay in a luxury lodge and do guided tours to watch wildlife? And especially at my age?
"Because I can" is the simple answer. "Because I must" is more complicated.
I wanted to do this when I was young. And the dream of being a field guide and live in the wild never left me. Over the years, there were times when I hardly thought of it at all and there were times when I was very close to just getting into my car and drive until I got there. I never did, of course. Too many things kept me from it. Obligations, family, you name it.
I did a lot of things over the years of which I think I was just trying to compensate for something that was missing. Or trying to find an escape from the life and the job I had.
I developed a franchise plan for an escort service, made a business plan for a teak plantation with eco tourism in Costa Rica, tried various types of multilevel marketing and imported fast motorboats to Holland. I set up a water-sport business, buying a parasailing boat and working for a couple of hotels in Turkey, where I lived for a while.
I did a lot of fun and exciting things and I wouldn't want to miss the experience for anything in the world. But I always kept wondering if it was right what I was doing. If it was really me.
For the last couple of years, things got progressively worse.
I'm not happy with my job, for one thing. Sure, it abundantly pays for the bills and then some. I have colleagues I really like and with every project, the number of people I call friends grows. But when I look around me, I can't escape the feeling of how unimportant it all is.
And looking around me is the other part of why I have the feeling I must change something. The world is not a happy place anymore in my opinion. We are way too many people for what this earth can handle. With our eyes wide open we are running full speed towards a solid brick wall. We could turn, if we wanted to. But as long as we think that wall is of pure gold, we keep running. Greed has such a strong grip on us that we are blind to what really matters and what's really needed. We grow up in a world that makes us believe we must always want more, higher, faster. If we would spend the budgets for military and weapons on the technology for sustainable energy, we could solve our CO2 problems within a couple of years. If we would concentrate our knowledge and technology on reducing the area needed per person for food, we could live on this planet with even more people and still give half of the planet back to unspoiled nature, which we so badly need to survive. But to me, that is exactly where one of the problems lies. We do not believe how badly we need nature.
But what do I know of how badly we need unspoiled nature? What do I know of what will happen to us when we kill the last lion, shoot the last elephant? What do I know of what is really important, driving my cars, riding my bike, enjoying my luxury life? What do I know of why I want more, higher, faster all the time? What do I know of who I really am and where I really want to stand in life?
Come to think of it, not so much, really. All I know is that I always wanted to know. But never took the time to find out.
And when I admitted that to myself some time ago, I got the answer to the question why I have to go to Africa and become a field guide.
Because I must.
Why would anyone in his right mind do something like that? Especially when he can afford to stay in a luxury lodge and do guided tours to watch wildlife? And especially at my age?
"Because I can" is the simple answer. "Because I must" is more complicated.
I wanted to do this when I was young. And the dream of being a field guide and live in the wild never left me. Over the years, there were times when I hardly thought of it at all and there were times when I was very close to just getting into my car and drive until I got there. I never did, of course. Too many things kept me from it. Obligations, family, you name it.
I did a lot of things over the years of which I think I was just trying to compensate for something that was missing. Or trying to find an escape from the life and the job I had.
I developed a franchise plan for an escort service, made a business plan for a teak plantation with eco tourism in Costa Rica, tried various types of multilevel marketing and imported fast motorboats to Holland. I set up a water-sport business, buying a parasailing boat and working for a couple of hotels in Turkey, where I lived for a while.
I did a lot of fun and exciting things and I wouldn't want to miss the experience for anything in the world. But I always kept wondering if it was right what I was doing. If it was really me.
For the last couple of years, things got progressively worse.
I'm not happy with my job, for one thing. Sure, it abundantly pays for the bills and then some. I have colleagues I really like and with every project, the number of people I call friends grows. But when I look around me, I can't escape the feeling of how unimportant it all is.
And looking around me is the other part of why I have the feeling I must change something. The world is not a happy place anymore in my opinion. We are way too many people for what this earth can handle. With our eyes wide open we are running full speed towards a solid brick wall. We could turn, if we wanted to. But as long as we think that wall is of pure gold, we keep running. Greed has such a strong grip on us that we are blind to what really matters and what's really needed. We grow up in a world that makes us believe we must always want more, higher, faster. If we would spend the budgets for military and weapons on the technology for sustainable energy, we could solve our CO2 problems within a couple of years. If we would concentrate our knowledge and technology on reducing the area needed per person for food, we could live on this planet with even more people and still give half of the planet back to unspoiled nature, which we so badly need to survive. But to me, that is exactly where one of the problems lies. We do not believe how badly we need nature.
But what do I know of how badly we need unspoiled nature? What do I know of what will happen to us when we kill the last lion, shoot the last elephant? What do I know of what is really important, driving my cars, riding my bike, enjoying my luxury life? What do I know of why I want more, higher, faster all the time? What do I know of who I really am and where I really want to stand in life?
Come to think of it, not so much, really. All I know is that I always wanted to know. But never took the time to find out.
And when I admitted that to myself some time ago, I got the answer to the question why I have to go to Africa and become a field guide.
Because I must.
And so why this blog??
I really thought about this for a long time. Am I gong to make my experience public? Or just keep it to myself? And if I do make it public, how? What language am I going to use?
There were lots of questions going though my mind.
I expect the experience of the African wilderness to change me. No idea how, but somehow I think I will have changed when I come back. And I want to be able to see from notes about myself and about the experience, just how I change.
I'm hoping the change will be positive. And I'm hoping that maybe for other people in similar situations like mine, it is interesting to see how one can change. Also, I'm hoping that a lot of the things that will happen to me can put a smile on some people's faces.
So first of all, I decided to "go public", even though the content of this site is mostly for me.
The language was another topic I struggled with. Yes, Dutch is my mother's tongue. But I've lived in Germany for so long now that I sometimes find it hard to find the right words in Dutch and to really express my feelings with words.
I have the same problem with German. I speak it fluently, but certainly don't write it as good as Dutch. And when it comes to expressing feelings, again I simply do not find the right words most of the time.
English has always been my "second language". As a kid I had the advantage of always hearing English in television. We have subtitles in Dutch television and no dubbing. And with most series being English or American, we grew up listening to people speaking English. I love the UK, been there numerous times and have lots of friends living there. And although my English is far from perfect and my vocabulary limited to "simple" English, I feel comfortable with the language. Most of all, I feel comfortable with expressing my feelings in English.
So English it is. If you read this site in any other language, it is because I found a way of easily translating it. And any strange wording or grammar are probably the result of a not so perfect translation program.
There were lots of questions going though my mind.
I expect the experience of the African wilderness to change me. No idea how, but somehow I think I will have changed when I come back. And I want to be able to see from notes about myself and about the experience, just how I change.
I'm hoping the change will be positive. And I'm hoping that maybe for other people in similar situations like mine, it is interesting to see how one can change. Also, I'm hoping that a lot of the things that will happen to me can put a smile on some people's faces.
So first of all, I decided to "go public", even though the content of this site is mostly for me.
The language was another topic I struggled with. Yes, Dutch is my mother's tongue. But I've lived in Germany for so long now that I sometimes find it hard to find the right words in Dutch and to really express my feelings with words.
I have the same problem with German. I speak it fluently, but certainly don't write it as good as Dutch. And when it comes to expressing feelings, again I simply do not find the right words most of the time.
English has always been my "second language". As a kid I had the advantage of always hearing English in television. We have subtitles in Dutch television and no dubbing. And with most series being English or American, we grew up listening to people speaking English. I love the UK, been there numerous times and have lots of friends living there. And although my English is far from perfect and my vocabulary limited to "simple" English, I feel comfortable with the language. Most of all, I feel comfortable with expressing my feelings in English.
So English it is. If you read this site in any other language, it is because I found a way of easily translating it. And any strange wording or grammar are probably the result of a not so perfect translation program.