I've already written something about why I'm doing this. But why would anyone with a good life want to change something? After all, change is always pretty scary. Especially when you have a secured life with a good job, family, house, car. Why on earth would you want to change anything and risk losing it?
Don't get me wrong. Change is not for everyone. A lot of people are really happy with their lives. They're doing the job they always wanted to do, live where they really like to live and are happy with what they have. And that's good. To those of you in that situation I can only say god, you're lucky.
But what if you have it all and you still have this feeling that it isn't really what you want? You have a good job but you would really like to be doing something else? Or you feel like you really want to break away for a year or so and see the world?
What if deep inside there is this fever, this burning feeling that keeps saying "this can not be all"?
When you have this feeling, you're longing for the freedom to break away and make a change. But in most cases, you will never do it because you're scared to death of what the consequences might be.
And the older you get, the more difficult it seems to be to make this change. With age, it seems to get scarier and scarier to make a change. And one day, you're probably faced with the reality that physically you can not make the change you alway dreamt of. Hiking around the world or climbing the Everest with a rolling walker? No way.
The result is that many people live with this feeling of wanting to make a change in their lives, but never do it. And one day end up thinking "I wish I had". Not a good feeling to die with.
So what is it we are so scared of? What is it we have to go through to reach the goal of our own personal freedom, our own little paradise?
Thanks to the articles about me in a local newspaper, I got in touch with Manuela Tulle. Manuela is from the area where I live and she did what so many people are so afraid of. She broke away from her life here to end up with a new life in Grenada in the Caribbean. She and her husband are now living on a sailing yacht in the Caribbean 6 months of the year and here in Germany for the other 6 months. She went through this change we are so scared of and she is now living her personal dream.
And Manuela has a way with words.
She has been writing all her life and her written words really go under the skin. It is amazing she never wrote professionally. Her very first book is coming out in March, and although I have not seen it of course, I think I can warmly recommend it.
In an email I received from Manuela, she sent me some lines about this choice to male a change in your life and what it means. She told me she had written them as an answer to someone else, but had never sent them. And now she sent them to me and I can only say that upon reading them I didn't know what to say, what to do or how to react. It felt like Manuela had known me for years and had written every word especially for me, to touch my heart, to open my eyes, to guide me and to comfort me.
This whole blog is about two things. About wildlife and about change.
For the change, I want to show my readers what it means to make such a decision and what it does to me.
I told Manuela, and I really mean it, that no mater what happens to me in the months to come, I can never express what it means to change our lives better than with Manuela's lines.
Which is why I have translated them and am publishing them here for anyone of you who has come to a point in life where you think "is this really what I wanted"?
And because these lines are so special, I will also (at the end) publish Manuela's original text for those of you who understand German.
Thank you Manuela, and bless you and your husband on your voyages through your own world of personal freedom.
Don't get me wrong. Change is not for everyone. A lot of people are really happy with their lives. They're doing the job they always wanted to do, live where they really like to live and are happy with what they have. And that's good. To those of you in that situation I can only say god, you're lucky.
But what if you have it all and you still have this feeling that it isn't really what you want? You have a good job but you would really like to be doing something else? Or you feel like you really want to break away for a year or so and see the world?
What if deep inside there is this fever, this burning feeling that keeps saying "this can not be all"?
When you have this feeling, you're longing for the freedom to break away and make a change. But in most cases, you will never do it because you're scared to death of what the consequences might be.
And the older you get, the more difficult it seems to be to make this change. With age, it seems to get scarier and scarier to make a change. And one day, you're probably faced with the reality that physically you can not make the change you alway dreamt of. Hiking around the world or climbing the Everest with a rolling walker? No way.
The result is that many people live with this feeling of wanting to make a change in their lives, but never do it. And one day end up thinking "I wish I had". Not a good feeling to die with.
So what is it we are so scared of? What is it we have to go through to reach the goal of our own personal freedom, our own little paradise?
Thanks to the articles about me in a local newspaper, I got in touch with Manuela Tulle. Manuela is from the area where I live and she did what so many people are so afraid of. She broke away from her life here to end up with a new life in Grenada in the Caribbean. She and her husband are now living on a sailing yacht in the Caribbean 6 months of the year and here in Germany for the other 6 months. She went through this change we are so scared of and she is now living her personal dream.
And Manuela has a way with words.
She has been writing all her life and her written words really go under the skin. It is amazing she never wrote professionally. Her very first book is coming out in March, and although I have not seen it of course, I think I can warmly recommend it.
In an email I received from Manuela, she sent me some lines about this choice to male a change in your life and what it means. She told me she had written them as an answer to someone else, but had never sent them. And now she sent them to me and I can only say that upon reading them I didn't know what to say, what to do or how to react. It felt like Manuela had known me for years and had written every word especially for me, to touch my heart, to open my eyes, to guide me and to comfort me.
This whole blog is about two things. About wildlife and about change.
For the change, I want to show my readers what it means to make such a decision and what it does to me.
I told Manuela, and I really mean it, that no mater what happens to me in the months to come, I can never express what it means to change our lives better than with Manuela's lines.
Which is why I have translated them and am publishing them here for anyone of you who has come to a point in life where you think "is this really what I wanted"?
And because these lines are so special, I will also (at the end) publish Manuela's original text for those of you who understand German.
Thank you Manuela, and bless you and your husband on your voyages through your own world of personal freedom.
You write that you think so often about living your dreams and being free, but it takes courage to let go: "Letting go sounds so easy and yet it is so hard," you write.
It takes silence, self-knowledge and trust, I tell you.
Silence through being able to be alone with ourselves.
Self-knowledge through pausing, contemplating and enduring ourselves.
Trust in what is in each of us, deep inside, in our innermost being, the loving unchanging One who knows our vulnerability like no one else.
Our vulnerability gives birth to courage.
Finding that out, however, is impossible in an over-connected society whose attention is constantly drawn in a thousand directions and feels prompted to tweet, post, email, etc., at all times.
Besides, "fear" is such a familiar old acquaintance.
Who knows what "courage" brings with it and entails?
And doesn't it lead into the unknown?
There may be no signal and life no longer tweets and facebooks.
To get "into paradise" (funny, I never called it that myself; always only those who were looking from the outside. Do they know that paradise means "enclosed piece of land", even “walls all around" in ancient Persian? They would never find me there) requires "looking deep" into you and your life, into the feeling of "I'm stuck", I want "something else".
Once you have found out what that is and then don't push it aside and deny it, then you are on the way towards freedom.
Of course, this "looking deep" is exhausting and rarely painless, but if you want to improve the situation that makes you dissatisfied, "paradise" demands that you work on yourself.
And that is the difficulty that makes most "longing" people shy away.
Who wants "difficult"? Who wants pain?
Who wants wounds and hurt that brings you to your knees?
The "lightness of being", as you keep describing my way of being, and its paradisiacal derivatives did not fall like ripe mangoes from a tree. They came into being after several years of being torn back and forth on a journey of discovery into self-knowledge.
It is an "onion skin process": peeling off skin after skin to expose yet more layers of "no more and no longer”.
You call it letting go.
I've never really felt comfortable with the spiritual instruction that is often said too unthinkingly: "Let go". "Just let go". "Just let it go."
Firstly, and I agree with you, it is not easy to let go and secondly, we can only let go of what we have experienced, held, held on to, borne, even endured with body and soul.
We can let go of what we have worked our way through and of which we have recognised that it no longer belongs to us or that we no longer need it.
We have taken the term "letting go", like so many things, from the English language, but not the expression that for me really makes the practice of letting go possible, namely: "owning".
Simply saying "let go, try to let go, just let it go" repeatedly does not work.
An acquaintance once called this process "times of tears".
Even if the tears are different for everyone who wants to let go, they are important for the process. They contain the "owning".
The first layer of this onion-skin process is the dismantling of who you are not.
For some, this can be a painful journey of discovery.
So why put yourself through such hardships?
Didn't you talk about being free?
May I remind you that you are free?
As unpredictable as all of our lives are, you always have a choice.
You are free to choose from moment to moment to be grateful, courageous, fearful, bitter or confident, even joyful and happy.
You are free - with all the resulting consequences - to quit your job, to start your own business, to change your gender, to take in a refugee child or emigrate to a new country, to enter a monastery, to build a log cabin in the Yukon and throw your iPhone into the river ...
Freedom can be absolutely dizzying.
You can do all of these steps or none of them. You are free.
You have already made choices that you follow.
But you are also free to change course.
Your life is both constrained and free, with limitations and consequences.
Can you imagine a life of self-chosen simplicity?
No one says you have to live on a sailboat to learn to handle the vastness of freedom.
Comforting your mind and letting it get a little quieter around you so that you can hear what the voice that knows your vulnerability so well wants to tell you would already be a big step on the way to your freedom.
Yes, it is a journey into the unknown, but it is worth it.
It's a pity that only those who have made this journey know it ....
Sounds almost like dying, doesn't it?
Well, in a way it is, in its own special way.
It takes silence, self-knowledge and trust, I tell you.
Silence through being able to be alone with ourselves.
Self-knowledge through pausing, contemplating and enduring ourselves.
Trust in what is in each of us, deep inside, in our innermost being, the loving unchanging One who knows our vulnerability like no one else.
Our vulnerability gives birth to courage.
Finding that out, however, is impossible in an over-connected society whose attention is constantly drawn in a thousand directions and feels prompted to tweet, post, email, etc., at all times.
Besides, "fear" is such a familiar old acquaintance.
Who knows what "courage" brings with it and entails?
And doesn't it lead into the unknown?
There may be no signal and life no longer tweets and facebooks.
To get "into paradise" (funny, I never called it that myself; always only those who were looking from the outside. Do they know that paradise means "enclosed piece of land", even “walls all around" in ancient Persian? They would never find me there) requires "looking deep" into you and your life, into the feeling of "I'm stuck", I want "something else".
Once you have found out what that is and then don't push it aside and deny it, then you are on the way towards freedom.
Of course, this "looking deep" is exhausting and rarely painless, but if you want to improve the situation that makes you dissatisfied, "paradise" demands that you work on yourself.
And that is the difficulty that makes most "longing" people shy away.
Who wants "difficult"? Who wants pain?
Who wants wounds and hurt that brings you to your knees?
The "lightness of being", as you keep describing my way of being, and its paradisiacal derivatives did not fall like ripe mangoes from a tree. They came into being after several years of being torn back and forth on a journey of discovery into self-knowledge.
It is an "onion skin process": peeling off skin after skin to expose yet more layers of "no more and no longer”.
You call it letting go.
I've never really felt comfortable with the spiritual instruction that is often said too unthinkingly: "Let go". "Just let go". "Just let it go."
Firstly, and I agree with you, it is not easy to let go and secondly, we can only let go of what we have experienced, held, held on to, borne, even endured with body and soul.
We can let go of what we have worked our way through and of which we have recognised that it no longer belongs to us or that we no longer need it.
We have taken the term "letting go", like so many things, from the English language, but not the expression that for me really makes the practice of letting go possible, namely: "owning".
Simply saying "let go, try to let go, just let it go" repeatedly does not work.
An acquaintance once called this process "times of tears".
Even if the tears are different for everyone who wants to let go, they are important for the process. They contain the "owning".
The first layer of this onion-skin process is the dismantling of who you are not.
For some, this can be a painful journey of discovery.
So why put yourself through such hardships?
Didn't you talk about being free?
May I remind you that you are free?
As unpredictable as all of our lives are, you always have a choice.
You are free to choose from moment to moment to be grateful, courageous, fearful, bitter or confident, even joyful and happy.
You are free - with all the resulting consequences - to quit your job, to start your own business, to change your gender, to take in a refugee child or emigrate to a new country, to enter a monastery, to build a log cabin in the Yukon and throw your iPhone into the river ...
Freedom can be absolutely dizzying.
You can do all of these steps or none of them. You are free.
You have already made choices that you follow.
But you are also free to change course.
Your life is both constrained and free, with limitations and consequences.
Can you imagine a life of self-chosen simplicity?
No one says you have to live on a sailboat to learn to handle the vastness of freedom.
Comforting your mind and letting it get a little quieter around you so that you can hear what the voice that knows your vulnerability so well wants to tell you would already be a big step on the way to your freedom.
Yes, it is a journey into the unknown, but it is worth it.
It's a pity that only those who have made this journey know it ....
Sounds almost like dying, doesn't it?
Well, in a way it is, in its own special way.
Und hier den original Text.
Du schreibst, du denkst so oft daran, deine Träume zu leben und frei zu sein, aber es gehöre Mut dazu loszulassen: “Loslassen hört sich so einfach an und ist doch so schwer”, schreibst du.
Es gehört Stille, Selbstkenntnis und Vertrauen dazu, lass’ ich dich wissen.
Stille durch Allein-sein-Können mit uns selbst.
Selbstkenntnis durch Innehalten, Betrachten und Aushalten von uns selbst.
Vertrauen in das, was in jedem von uns steckt, tief drinnen, in unserem Innersten, dem liebenden Unveränderlichen, das unsere Verwundbarkeit kennt, wie niemand sonst.
Unsere Verwundbarkeit gebiert Mut.
Das herauszufinden ist allerdings in einer übermäßig vernetzten Gesellschaft, deren Aufmerksamkeit ununterbrochen in tausend Richtungen gelenkt wird und sich aufgefordert fühlt jederzeit zu twittern, zu posten, zu mailen etc., unmöglich.
Außerdem ist "Angst" eine so vertraute alte Bekannte.
Wer weiß, was "Mut" so alles mit sich bringt und nach sich zieht
und führt das Ganze nicht ins Unbekannte?
Da gibt es vielleicht kein Signal und das Leben zwitschert und facebooked nicht mehr.
"Ins Paradies“ (komisch, ich selbst habe es nie so genannt; immer nur die, die von außen schauten. Wissen sie, das Paradies „umzäuntes Landstück“, sogar „rundum Mauer“ in altpersisch bedeutet? Sie würden mich dort niemals finden) zu gelangen, verlangt „tiefes Schauen“ in dich und dein Leben, in das Gefühl „ich stecke fest“, ich will „etwas anderes“.
Hast du herausgefunden, was das ist und schiebst es dann nicht zur Seite und verleugnest es nicht, dann bist du auf dem Weg in Richtung Freiheit.
Natürlich, dieses „tiefe Schauen“ ist anstrengend und selten schmerzlos, doch wenn du die Situation, die dich unzufrieden macht, verbessern willst, verlangt „das Paradies“, dass du an dir arbeitest.
Und das ist die Schwierigkeit, die die meisten „Sehnsüchtigen“ zurückschrecken lässt.
Wer will schon "schwierig"? Wer will Schmerzen?
Wer möchte Verwundungen und Verletzungen, die auf die Knie zwingen?
Die „Leichtigkeit des Seins“, wie du immer wieder meine Art des Daseins beschreibst, und deren paradiesische Derivate fielen nicht wie reife Mangos vom Baum. Sie entstanden nach mehrjähriger hin- und herreißender Entdeckungsreise in die Selbsterkenntnis.
Es ist ein "Zwiebelschalen-Prozess": Haut nach Haut abziehen, um noch weitere Schichten des „Nicht mehr und Nicht länger“ freizulegen.
Du nennst es Loslassen.
Ich habe mich nie so richtig wohl gefühlt mit der spirituellen Anweisung, die häufig zu unreflektiert dahin gesagt wird: "Loslassen". "Einfach Loslassen". „Lass‘ einfach los“.
Erstens, und da gebe ich dir recht, ist es nicht einfach loszulassen und zweitens können wir nur loslassen, was wir mit "Leib und Seele erfahren, gehalten, festgehalten, getragen, ja auch ertragen haben.
Wir können das loslassen, wodurch wir uns hindurch gearbeitet haben und von dem wir erkannt haben, das es nicht mehr und nicht länger zu uns gehört bzw. wir es nicht mehr brauchen.
Den Begriff des Loslassen haben wir, wie so vieles, der englischen Sprache entnommen, allerdings nicht den Ausdruck, der für mich das Praktizieren des Loslassens erst wirklich möglich macht, nämlich: "Owning".
Das bloße Dahinsagen, das wiederholt "let go, try to let go, just let it go‟ funktioniert nicht.
Eine Bekannte hat diesen Prozess einmal "Tränenzeiten" genannt.
Auch wenn sich bei jedem, der Loslassen will, die Tränen anders gestalten, sie sind wichtig für den Prozess. In ihnen steckt das "Owning".
Die erste Schicht dieses Zwiebelschalen-Prozesses ist der Abbau dessen, der du gar nicht bist.
Für manche kann das eine schmerzhafte Entdeckungsreise sein.
Warum sich also solchen Strapazen aussetzen?
Sprachst du nicht von frei sein?
Darf ich dich daran erinnern, dass du frei bist?
So unvorhersehbar unser aller Leben ist, du hast immer die Wahl.
Du kannst von Moment zu Moment frei wählen dankbar, mutig, ängstlich, bitter oder zuversichtlich, sogar froh und glücklich zu sein.
Es steht dir frei – mit allen daraus resultierenden Konsequenzen, deinen Job zu kündigen, dich selbständig zu machen, dein Geschlecht zu ändern, ein Flüchtlingskind aufzunehmen oder in ein neues Land auszuwandern, in ein Kloster zu gehen, im Yukon eine Blockhütte zu bauen und dein I-phone in den Fluss zu werfen …
Freiheit kann absolut schwindelerregend sein.
Du kannst alle diese Schritte tun oder keinen einzigen davon. Es steht Dir frei.
Du hast ja bereits Entscheidungen getroffen, denen du folgst.
Du bist aber auch frei, den Kurs zu ändern.
Dein Leben ist sowohl eingeschränkt als auch frei, mit Einschränkungen und Konsequenzen.
Kannst du dir ein Leben in selbstgewählter Einfachheit vorstellen?
Niemand sagt, dass du auf einem Segelboot leben musst um mit der Weite der Freiheit umgehen zu lernen.
Deinen Geist zu beruhigen und es ein bisschen stiller um dich herum werden zu lassen, damit du hörst, was dir die Stimme, die deine Verwundbarkeit so gut kennt, sagen möchte, wäre schon ein großer Schritt auf dem Weg in deine Freiheit.
Ja, es ist eine Reise ins Unbekannte, aber es lohnt sich.
Schade, dass nur diejenigen es wissen, die diese Reise gemacht haben …
Klingt fast, wie Sterben nicht wahr?
Nun ja, irgendwie ist es das auch, auf seine ganz eigene und besondere Weise.
Du schreibst, du denkst so oft daran, deine Träume zu leben und frei zu sein, aber es gehöre Mut dazu loszulassen: “Loslassen hört sich so einfach an und ist doch so schwer”, schreibst du.
Es gehört Stille, Selbstkenntnis und Vertrauen dazu, lass’ ich dich wissen.
Stille durch Allein-sein-Können mit uns selbst.
Selbstkenntnis durch Innehalten, Betrachten und Aushalten von uns selbst.
Vertrauen in das, was in jedem von uns steckt, tief drinnen, in unserem Innersten, dem liebenden Unveränderlichen, das unsere Verwundbarkeit kennt, wie niemand sonst.
Unsere Verwundbarkeit gebiert Mut.
Das herauszufinden ist allerdings in einer übermäßig vernetzten Gesellschaft, deren Aufmerksamkeit ununterbrochen in tausend Richtungen gelenkt wird und sich aufgefordert fühlt jederzeit zu twittern, zu posten, zu mailen etc., unmöglich.
Außerdem ist "Angst" eine so vertraute alte Bekannte.
Wer weiß, was "Mut" so alles mit sich bringt und nach sich zieht
und führt das Ganze nicht ins Unbekannte?
Da gibt es vielleicht kein Signal und das Leben zwitschert und facebooked nicht mehr.
"Ins Paradies“ (komisch, ich selbst habe es nie so genannt; immer nur die, die von außen schauten. Wissen sie, das Paradies „umzäuntes Landstück“, sogar „rundum Mauer“ in altpersisch bedeutet? Sie würden mich dort niemals finden) zu gelangen, verlangt „tiefes Schauen“ in dich und dein Leben, in das Gefühl „ich stecke fest“, ich will „etwas anderes“.
Hast du herausgefunden, was das ist und schiebst es dann nicht zur Seite und verleugnest es nicht, dann bist du auf dem Weg in Richtung Freiheit.
Natürlich, dieses „tiefe Schauen“ ist anstrengend und selten schmerzlos, doch wenn du die Situation, die dich unzufrieden macht, verbessern willst, verlangt „das Paradies“, dass du an dir arbeitest.
Und das ist die Schwierigkeit, die die meisten „Sehnsüchtigen“ zurückschrecken lässt.
Wer will schon "schwierig"? Wer will Schmerzen?
Wer möchte Verwundungen und Verletzungen, die auf die Knie zwingen?
Die „Leichtigkeit des Seins“, wie du immer wieder meine Art des Daseins beschreibst, und deren paradiesische Derivate fielen nicht wie reife Mangos vom Baum. Sie entstanden nach mehrjähriger hin- und herreißender Entdeckungsreise in die Selbsterkenntnis.
Es ist ein "Zwiebelschalen-Prozess": Haut nach Haut abziehen, um noch weitere Schichten des „Nicht mehr und Nicht länger“ freizulegen.
Du nennst es Loslassen.
Ich habe mich nie so richtig wohl gefühlt mit der spirituellen Anweisung, die häufig zu unreflektiert dahin gesagt wird: "Loslassen". "Einfach Loslassen". „Lass‘ einfach los“.
Erstens, und da gebe ich dir recht, ist es nicht einfach loszulassen und zweitens können wir nur loslassen, was wir mit "Leib und Seele erfahren, gehalten, festgehalten, getragen, ja auch ertragen haben.
Wir können das loslassen, wodurch wir uns hindurch gearbeitet haben und von dem wir erkannt haben, das es nicht mehr und nicht länger zu uns gehört bzw. wir es nicht mehr brauchen.
Den Begriff des Loslassen haben wir, wie so vieles, der englischen Sprache entnommen, allerdings nicht den Ausdruck, der für mich das Praktizieren des Loslassens erst wirklich möglich macht, nämlich: "Owning".
Das bloße Dahinsagen, das wiederholt "let go, try to let go, just let it go‟ funktioniert nicht.
Eine Bekannte hat diesen Prozess einmal "Tränenzeiten" genannt.
Auch wenn sich bei jedem, der Loslassen will, die Tränen anders gestalten, sie sind wichtig für den Prozess. In ihnen steckt das "Owning".
Die erste Schicht dieses Zwiebelschalen-Prozesses ist der Abbau dessen, der du gar nicht bist.
Für manche kann das eine schmerzhafte Entdeckungsreise sein.
Warum sich also solchen Strapazen aussetzen?
Sprachst du nicht von frei sein?
Darf ich dich daran erinnern, dass du frei bist?
So unvorhersehbar unser aller Leben ist, du hast immer die Wahl.
Du kannst von Moment zu Moment frei wählen dankbar, mutig, ängstlich, bitter oder zuversichtlich, sogar froh und glücklich zu sein.
Es steht dir frei – mit allen daraus resultierenden Konsequenzen, deinen Job zu kündigen, dich selbständig zu machen, dein Geschlecht zu ändern, ein Flüchtlingskind aufzunehmen oder in ein neues Land auszuwandern, in ein Kloster zu gehen, im Yukon eine Blockhütte zu bauen und dein I-phone in den Fluss zu werfen …
Freiheit kann absolut schwindelerregend sein.
Du kannst alle diese Schritte tun oder keinen einzigen davon. Es steht Dir frei.
Du hast ja bereits Entscheidungen getroffen, denen du folgst.
Du bist aber auch frei, den Kurs zu ändern.
Dein Leben ist sowohl eingeschränkt als auch frei, mit Einschränkungen und Konsequenzen.
Kannst du dir ein Leben in selbstgewählter Einfachheit vorstellen?
Niemand sagt, dass du auf einem Segelboot leben musst um mit der Weite der Freiheit umgehen zu lernen.
Deinen Geist zu beruhigen und es ein bisschen stiller um dich herum werden zu lassen, damit du hörst, was dir die Stimme, die deine Verwundbarkeit so gut kennt, sagen möchte, wäre schon ein großer Schritt auf dem Weg in deine Freiheit.
Ja, es ist eine Reise ins Unbekannte, aber es lohnt sich.
Schade, dass nur diejenigen es wissen, die diese Reise gemacht haben …
Klingt fast, wie Sterben nicht wahr?
Nun ja, irgendwie ist es das auch, auf seine ganz eigene und besondere Weise.
